Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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