Those balls look pretty dangerous.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
