If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
