I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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