I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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