Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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