That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
