Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
