Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
