When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize