Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
