Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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