Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
