Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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