If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
