As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize