College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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