My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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