You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
