i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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