Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I looked at my own cervix.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
