Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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