I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
