Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
