I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize