I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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