And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
