you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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