she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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