mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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