I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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