i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
