we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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