I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
