be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
