Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
