that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
