whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sponge bath it is.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize