1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
