its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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