chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
my poor anus
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
