I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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