my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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