My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
