Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We are two peas in an std pod
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize