Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
