i jhust puked up my retainher.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
