Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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