I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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