called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize