I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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