Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
