If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
