I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
