I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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