We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
