I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
