you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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