I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
