Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize