I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
