i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
