Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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