I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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