I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
