Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize