So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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