Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This baby is an asshole
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
