I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
