so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
