Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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