you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
